I Live My Life a Quarter Mile at a -- Oh, Sorry. Wrong Crappy Diesel Franchise
I wish I was more excited about this. Really, I do. I adore Pitch Black. It was such a surprise when I first saw it, a brilliantly violent homage to about a half-dozen science fiction films, and a hell of a good time. It made me all the more excited when I heard that director David Twohy was making not just a sequel, but that it would be part of a huge, space-opera trilogy that would be unlike anything before it.
Except, of course, for the small, baby, tiny, itsy-bitsy, little, wee miniature problem — The Chronicles of Riddick end up being really, really, really fucking stupid.
Which brings us to the next entry, The Chronicles of Riddick: Dead Man Stalking. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating — that’s a really bad title. It’s the kind of title a 14-year-old drawing his first comic book would come up with. But whatever. Twohy is back directing, Diesel is back to flex and look menacing, and a few weeks ago we showed you some early production art an a rough plot outline that mainly had to do with Riddick being stuck on an alien planet fighting “trisons” and “mud demons” and that there would be jetcycles. Now, ShockTilYouDrop has the official synopsis:
Betrayed by his own kind and left for dead on a desolate planet, Riddick (Diesel) fights for survival against alien predators and becomes more powerful and dangerous than ever before. Soon bounty hunters from throughout the galaxy descend on Riddick only to find themselves pawns in his greater scheme for revenge. With his enemies right where he wants them, Riddick unleashes a vicious attack of vengeance before returning to his home planet of Furya to save it from destruction.
Huh. OK, so that sort of ties into the title, but it’s still a dumb title. Also, I thought that Riddick was supposed to be the last of his kind? So who’s betraying him? Other outlaws? Guys at the gym? Other bad actors? SUCH MYSTERY ENSHROUDS THIS.
Eh, whatever. There it is. Like I said, I wish I was more excited about this, but I’m just… not.