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Is It Still April Fool's?

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | April 8, 2010 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | April 8, 2010 |

Jon Favreau confirmed that Harrison Ford has joined the cast of Cowboys and Aliens, which would have been great news twenty years ago. My first reaction was that this was a good thing, but then I realized that the universe is too malicious a place for that to really be the case. Have you flipped through Ford’s list of films lately? He hasn’t made a decent movie since The Fugitive in 1993. Other than the campy entertainment of Air Force One in 1997, his resume is like a highlight reel of the worst movies made every year. No one under the age of twenty has seen a good Harrison Ford movie in theaters unless they caught the Star Wars re-releases back when they were seven or so.

(source: Film School Rejects)

David Cross (Tobias) says that the Arrested Development movie is completely dead, which is as unsurprising as it is nevertheless disappointing. How much cash would it take to make an Arrested Development movie? $20 to $30 million or so, right? Here’s the list of movies that were released with budgets in that range in 2009:

The Stepfather $20,000,000
12 Rounds $20,000,000
Away We Go $21,000,000
The Informant $22,000,000
Shi Yue Wei Cheng $23,000,000
Coco avant Chanel $23,000,000
Cheri $23,000,000
Zombieland $23,600,000
The Men Who Stare at Goats $24,000,000
Me and Orson Welles $25,000,000
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans $25,000,000
The Box $25,000,000
Dance Flick $25,000,000
Taken $25,000,000
Paul Blart: Mall Cop $26,000,000
My Sister’s Keeper $27,500,000
Taking Woodstock $29,000,000
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus $30,000,000
Up in the Air $30,000,000
Le petit Nicolas $30,000,000
District 9 $30,000,000
Drag Me To Hell $30,000,000
Bride Wars $30,000,000

Oh well, nothing on the list that we could possibly justify giving up for Arrested Development.

(source: Cinema Blend, source for budgets: The Numbers)

Topping the atrocity of the last Bond theme song, Lady Gaga is rumored to be singing the next one. This is all hypothetical since MGM’s financial situation is somewhere between “giving handjobs to hobos for spare change” and calling Matthew Lesko at 2 a.m.

(source: Film School Rejects)

And finally, just to top it all off: National Treasure 3 is being made. Somebody’s probably going to direct it, and somebody else might write a script, Nicolas Cage will “act.” It takes a special kind of special to rip off and dumb down Dan Brown while still using words with more than one syllable.

(source: Cinema Blend)

I’m just going to go watch Human Centipede clips on repeat. It leaves a better taste in my mouth.

Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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