Sadly, I don’t know why no one thought of this sooner. There are so many asinine, imbecilic, horrifyingly ass-tastic properties being developed into films, I’m frankly stunned that some collection of brain-scrambled shit-throwing idea-monkeys didn’t come up with this sooner. But, as with death, taxes, and the realization that the universe is an uncaring whore who will ruthlessly fuck you at the first opportunity, it was all but inevitable.

Trolls.

Fucking trolls.

No, not the bridge-dwelling type. Not the internet forum shitbrain type either.

The fucking frizzy-haired, pedo-smiling plastic kind. Apparently, they’re actually called Good Luck Trolls.

And Dreamworks is making a movie out of them. Apparently, they were featured in Toy Story 3. I did not know that. Nor did I want to. Here are some other not even remotely fun facts about them.

• They were actually created in 1959, by Thomas Dam, a Danish woodcutter and fisherman.
• The project will be a collaboration between DreamWorks and Niels Dam, his son.
• An anagram of Niels Dam is Damn Lies. I’m just sayin’.
• They are also known as Dam Dolls, Gonks, Wishniks, Treasure Trolls, Happy Troll Dolls, and Norfins.
• The dolls are actually vessels for demons from Tartarus, who destroy children’s souls and feed on hope.
• They were originally called Leprocauns.
• Cerebrospinal fluid is being vomited from my eye sockets as I write this.

Good luck, my ass.

(Source: Coming Soon)

TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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