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Maybe She'll Carry Her Duct Tape in a Hello Kitty Purse

By Brian Prisco | Industry | March 24, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Industry | March 24, 2010 |

Despite the resounding thud-sploosh of a turd failure that was and continues to be Jennifer’s Body, Diablo Cody is still allowed to work. I kid, I will never stop loving Juno, so you can eat a sack of assholes. She’s got two projects in the ol’ kiddie grinder to make you all go hrrrrrr!

First, she’s continuing with plans to adapt The Sweet Valley High series. Cody seems stunned that people are so attached to the narrative and characters, when it’s just bubblegum. All I know is the books are about twin sisters, right? Do they have solve crimes or turn into fish or what? There’s about 4126 books, so you’d think they have to do something. Personally, I hope Cody turns them into meth addicted sex-crime sleuths.

Secondly, Cody’s hoping to create a really “seriously fucked up” female anti-hero stalker who’s after her high-school sweetheart. Cody laments that Hollywood always let’s the boys have all the fun, and never gives girls a chance to play fucked up crazy stalkers. Just don’t tell Glenn Close. Or Rebecca De Mornay. Or Alicia Siverstone. Or Erika Christensen.

Personally, I think the stalker’s more in Cody’s wheelhouse, because she knows how to have fun with it. Or at least she thinks she does. However, after the colossal poopnuke that was Jennifer’s Body, studios are gonna think twice before letting homegirl near the original black comedy toys. So Sweet Valley High sounds like it’ll be coming to theaters first.

However, if you’re in the Hollywood area, you can get a chance to yell at Diablo Cody in person when she guest appears at the Popcorn Mafia’s 100th show LIVE! at the New Beverly Cinema on April 21. You can get tickets at

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