Damn you, NPH! Do you know how hard parents work every Halloween to make their adorable kids look even more adorable before their teeth fall out from all the candy? There are dozens of cute children hogging up all the attention on our Facebook feeds, and now we have to compete with this? Come on, brother, give the rest of us a chance. We don’t all have 10 grand to spend on the perfect Halloween costume, or a make-up professional and costume designer to dress us. And even you and your husband are darling. Most parents barely have enough time to get their children into a costume so they can walk the streets and beg for candy for half an hour, much less get ourselves in one. Thunder stealers.
The 1% win at everything, even being adorable. I give up. Next year, it’s a bandana and a stick — my kids can dress as the hobos NPH clearly thinks the rest of us are.
I hate you, Doogie Howser.