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You Will Respect Miley Cyrus as an Actress. Damnit.

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | March 31, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | March 31, 2009 |

On April 10th, not only will Dragonball: Evolution be arriving in theaters, but so will Miley Cyrus’ next movie, titled appropriately enough: Hannah Montana: The Movie. Hmph. Good Friday, my ass. If Jesus had decided to come back on Good Friday 2009, he’d see a multiplex marquee and scurry back into his hole, welcoming six more weeks of hell. In fact, I think we’re going to call in the Department of Homeland Security and ask them to shut down the site for the weekend. It’s the least they can do for us.

Anyway, thankfully, after Hannah Montana the movie is released, we apparently never have to see another Hannah Montana movie again. Our little pop-twit is growing up before our very eyes! In fact, she’s decided to go in a different, more mature direction. (No. Not porn. Jeez). She’s decided to get her hands dirty with one of those gritty, hardscrabble Nicholas Sparks flicks. You know, like The Notebook. In fact, Nicholas Sparks — who scribbles out his novels on toilet paper while he’s taking his morning constitutional — is writing a screenplay specifically for Miley. The film will be called The Last Song, and will be directed by newcomer, Julie Ann Robinson (who has directed a few episodes of “Big Love,” “Weeds” and “Grey’s Anatomy”). The Last Song is about a rebellious teenager sent to spend the summer with her estranged father.

And let me guess: Her father lives on a farm?

God, I hope there’s lots of singing. Shrilly, ear-piercing pop songs that make your heart just float! And a pillow fight! Let there be a pillow fight!

DVD Releases 03/31/09 | Eastern Promises Sequel

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.