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The Mickey Rourke Comeback Express Continues On

By Miscellaneous | Industry | March 13, 2009 |

By Miscellaneous | Industry | March 13, 2009 |

I, like many of you, have been steadily impressed with the work of Mickey Rourke as of late. He was phenomenal in Sin City, and was damn perfect in The Wrestler. But, there are limits. There are lines that should not be crossed.

He just crossed one with me.

Let’s be honest - Rourke is not the prettiest man on the planet. I think it is safe to say that he won’t be creaming Dustin’s pants with his abs anytime soon. And that worked for him - in the aforementioned movies. In those films, he had to have a world-beaten kisser to sell the role. But it isn’t going to work in Iron Man 2.

That’s right. It is official. Mickey Rourke will be in the sequel. I am….not enthusiastic about this.

Originally, Rourke said he wouldn’t be able to do it, and with the Oscar buzz he had and his dog dying, we were inclined to believe him. But then came the great equalizer: money. David Unger, Rourke’s agent (and part-time sorcerer, apparently), got the studio to agree to a bump up in pay for Rourke to be in the film.

He will be playing Whiplash, one of the Russian characters in the film. Whiplash, at least in the comics, wields deadly titanium whips that can act like tentacles, or stiffen to become vaulting poles. I am still not sure why the character is being used, but okay then.

Oh, before I forget, Scarlett Johansson is taking over the Black Widow role (thanks, Donut) from Emily Blunt. My feelings on this are…mixed.

Mixed meaning the unrepentant nerd in me fully acknowledges that Johansson isn’t the most skilled actress and that she probably won’t do well in the role (my pick: Famke Janssen, naturally), but the constantly-horny male that is the rest of me can only think of her in a leather jumpsuit before blacking out for a few seconds. Don’t you dare judge me, you fascists.

And now I am seeing both Scarlett and Famke in skintight leather. Together. And…okay then. Good night.

*collapses to floor*

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