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The Inevitable Even More Inevitable than I'd Inevitably Imagined

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | July 20, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | July 20, 2009 |

Sony studios has just paid $50 goddamn million for the 80 hours of rehearsal footage filmed for the concerts that Michael Jackson was preparing for in London before he died. And, of course, 80 hours of rehearsal footage has got to be worth one two-hour movie, right? The studios thought so — there was a bidding frenzy for the footage, but amazingly, Sony — who owns the rights to Jackson’s catalogue — won the rights in the end.

Kenny Ortega (the small-brained wunderkind behind High School Musical) is already editing down the footage and compiling the film. In addition to featuring Jackson in various stages of pant, the movie will also contain three new music videos, including an alternative version of “Thriller,” and a hyper-eerie feeling that we’re watching a man in the days before his death. Yes! We will all proclaim. He looks skinny, but he still sure can move for a 50-year-old days away from death by anesthesia. It’ll be sad. It’ll be eye-popping. It’ll be dazzling. But most of all, it’ll just feel creepy.

The footage was meant to be shown in 3D, but it’s not yet known whether the feature film will be in 3D. We can only hope. Because, really, the only way to get the true experience is to see Jackson’s plastic molded, emaciated body in all three dimensions.

Maybe they can splice together some rehearsal footage of Walter Cronkite for the voice-over narration; Farrah Fawcett can play the love interest, and Joshua Jackson and Jeff Goldblum has play zombies in the new “Thriller” video.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.