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Megan Fox's Replacement for Transformers 3 Is ....

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | May 22, 2010 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | May 22, 2010 |

For those of you who keep up with the many and sundry movie blogs, you might have noticed that this Megan Fox story has easily been the most popular one of the week, a week that included the penultimate episode of “Lost” and the television upfronts. I don’t think it’s unfair to say that movie blogs like page views, and this week, the easiest way to get them was to slap a photo of Megan Fox in your header and make up some shit to fill in the text.

Let me just say: It’s been awesome. There’s been gossip pieces detailing the back and forth between Michael Bay and Megan Fox; there’s been wish lists for Megan Fox replacements (keeping in mind, of course, that even 87 percent of geek-driven movie blogs hated Transformers 2); there’s been speculation on who the actual replacement will be; there have been actual think pieces; and now, there are sites claiming to have inside knowledge about who the actual choice to replace Megan Fox will be. I have no idea which, if any, of these inside sources knows who will actually replace Megan Fox, but that’s hardly the point. The point is page views, and in order to get them, you just need to discuss this story, even if it means making up something. If you’re convincing enough, other sites might even link to you, which only increases your page views. It’s fantastic!

But we didn’t want to be left out. Oh, sure: We’ve devoted a few posts to the Megan Fox manufactured controversy (there’s nothing in this world more exciting than manufactured controversy, because we can make it as controversial as we’d like! It’s manufactured! There are no limits!) I mean: Lookit. This is the home of the Hollywood Cog, the most reliable inside source on the planet. We have to contribute something original to the discussion!

And so we have. According to an inside source who is not The Hollywood Cog, we know exactly who Megan Fox’s replacement will be. It’s that woman pictured above, otherwise knowns as “Pretty Girl on an Orange Background.” We don’t actually know her name, but I think we’ll make something up. Something sexy. Like, Saphire Glide.

Yes. That’s it. Michael Bay has officially brought in Saphire Glide to replace Megan Fox on Transformers 3. Ms. Glide, who has no film experience to speak of, has been a model for clip art for the last several years and has been plucked from obscurity by Paramount Pictures, which made the casting decision by typing in “Pretty Girls” in Google and locating the first “pretty girl” that stuck out.

And if you’d like to have the next star of the Transformers franchise plastered on your desktop background, it’s easy. Just visit Zastavki, right click on the picture and select Save as. Then follow your operating systems instructions.

I think it’s an excellent choice. Because her hair is curly! And she’s wearing a white shirt, which are the best qualifications for the role of Shia LaBeouf’s Love Interest.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.