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I’m Seriously Not Going To Make The 500 Days of Spidey Joke

By Brian Prisco | Industry | January 14, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Industry | January 14, 2010 |

Raimi out, Marc Webb in? This is the latest rumor circling the drain thanks to the thunderous news that Sam Raimi has abandoned the Spider-Man franchise. They’re gonna reboot it, reinvigorate it, and shoot it in 3D! And does this mean no more Tobey Maguire? But the advertisement for Brothers called him one of the top actors of this generation!

First of all, I’m glad Sam Raimi is shot of the series. After Drag Me To Hell, I’m hoping he goes back to reinvigorate Evil Dead 4. Actually, I’d like to see him start work on some more A Simple Plan-type work. He’s a fine director, and he looks like he’s ready to kick ass again. And I could give a shit about the casting.

Marc Webb as a director? I mean, we’ve got one film. Sure it was cute. No, it doesn’t mean that Zooey and JGL are gonna take on the tights. I guess the studio is serious about setting this in high school or the quarterlife. And they picked a director who isn’t going to be running around auteuring all over the place. They’ll have a tight fucking leash on Webb.

As for Spidey? Listen. No more origin stories. No more what do I do with these strange new powers? In fact, fuck the comics.

That’s right. You heard me. Fuck them. Fuck the fucking comics.

Create a new villain. You don’t have to do teen Hobgoblin or the Rhino as a HGH-ed nose tackle. You don’t have to have Doc Ock as an algebra teacher. You don’t even need him to be a photographer or have Mary Jane.

If you’re gonna redo it, re-fucking do it. You know the basic story. You know what his powers are. I say, finally capture how bullshit it is that superheroes are forced by some code to save the day and they get none of the glory. There’s no paycheck. How the fuck does a superhero pay the rent as a stringer for print journalism when that shit’s as dead as Raimi’s Spidey 4? Get dark. Get edgy. Take a fucking chance on this.

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