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Magazine Publisher Stuns Thousand Of Teenage Girls! Makes Them Cry! Touches Them In Awful Ways!

By Brian Prisco | Industry | November 24, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Industry | November 24, 2010 |

I was grocery shopping for Thanksgiving since I’m now the househusband, and as I was perusing the various deals on pies, I happened to notice OK! Magazine with the splash cover reading “Rob + Kristen! JUST MARRIED!” And it was filled with photos from their honeymoon and subsequent wedding in Brazil. Wha?

But NO! You see, it was just that OK! Magazine was publishing pictures of the wedding of Bella and Edward that they FILMED for the upcoming Breaking Dawn. Of course, it doesn’t say that anywhere on the cover. So millions of teens could be reading this misleading — oh, hell, let’s just call it a great big fucking lie — cover and choke-sobbing on their retainers. Also their mothers, devastated by the news that Edward is now fully unattainable. I just hope Fangoria gets a chance to feature the exclusive photos of the birth of their child Renesmee.

But, seriously. I understand that these are just rags, but that’s incredible that they can just print a blatant fucking lie on their covers and not have to answer for it. Oh, we were just joking. That’s like me walking through The Grove and catching Tom Hanks at an outdoor cafe snacking on hushpuppies and a salad with baby carrots and then writing an article headlined as “TOM HANKS EATS BABIES AND PUPPIES.” Now, technically, that would be true, but incredibly sketchy and misleading.

And people wonder why print is dead. Even blogs have to resort to writing lame ass articles about absolutely nothing. So instead, I want you all to fill the comments section with similarly misleading storylines. Because this is the internet. So forever and ever when someone types in Tom Hanks Eats Babies this article will come up.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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