When Louis CK decided he was done taking a vacation and made a surprise appearance at the Comedy Cellar back in August, even the most gaping asshole of his supporters felt he could’ve at least addressed allegedly jerking off in front of several women without their consent. And I say “allegedly” because even though CK technically confirmed the allegations in his “apology,” he also gave himself some wiggle room by claiming he “never showed a woman my dick without asking first.” But we’ll circle back to that bullshit later. Right now, I have incredible news.
After continuing to surprise audiences and making them watch him perform — that was a reference to the stuff he did with his dick. Just FYI — Louis CK has finally learned that he needs to bring his trademark authenticity to the self-pleasuring elephant in the room. So if you’ve been talking shit about The King, I hope you’re ready to eat some crow because CK f**king brought it. I’m talking classic Louis here. Via Laughspin:
Something shifted Wednesday night. “He was much more confident,” says the source. Castillo says he opened with, “It’s been a weird year.”
Someone explain to me how fire works because there’s no way that stage wasn’t covered in it.
He continued talking about how he’s been to “Hell and back”—joking that while he was in Hell he met Hitler.
He described still being a rich white guy in America as “hell” — with Hitler! Comedy f**king LEGEND. It doesn’t get more real than that.
From the source, his Wednesday set addressed getting booed in the streets and how everyone hates him. “I lost $35 million in an hour.”
IT GOT MORE REAL THAN THAT.
Folks, I don’t know about you, but nothing helps me relate to a situation like hearing how an old rich guy lost millions because “society,” or whatever, made him go away for a convenient amount of time and then come back like nothing ever happened. I mean, that level of comedy proves Louis CK should’ve never left in the first place and why we need him back more than ever. Who else is going to blatantly piss in the face of #MeToo with a barn-burner like “It’s been a weird year”? Dane Cook?
But seriously, if you’re noticing that not a goddamn thing Louis CK said addressed the awful shit he pulled in any sort of meaningful way, congratulations! You’re smarter than most comics and/or audiences. Even the Laughspin post that I quoted suggests that while CK should’ve stayed away longer, “the world does not want to #CancelLouisCK forever.” (Narrator voice: It should.) But that wasn’t even the grossest display of water-carrying. Nope, that honor goes to the dead-eyed star-f**ker who dropped this turd.
Editor’s Note: A previous version of this article claimed Louis C.K. masturbated in front of women without their consent. He, more accurately, would repeatedly ask women at work if he could masturbate in front of them. Although abusing a power dynamic in a hotel room at a work convention, he did ask and receive consent from the two young female comedians.
Those two women would be the comedy team Dana & Julia who have twice made it clear that they did not give CK consent. First, in the original New York Times article that forced CK to enjoy eight quiet months of being a millionaire (a.k.a. “losing everything”), and then again in a viral Twitter thread after his surprise Comedy Cellar appearance:
@NoamDworman you’ve been trying for 9 months to poke holes in our story and it’s getting really painful. Critically think about this- After a late show at a comedy festival that you worked your ass off to get in to, all the bars are closed, and the headliner who we thought we had made a friend in invites you and your comedy partner to his suite. He has beer and we can smoke weed! So now, you’re totally sober, sitting on a couch in a hotel suite, and a 200 plus man with red hair all over his body who doesn’t just take his dick out, but gets completely naked, and starts feverishly masturbating within 90 seconds of you sitting down, and you’re NOT afraid of getting raped let us know. We know you have SO many more questions about power- we were told he was a BIG deal, he was a producer on Chris Rock, had directed a movie, was headlining the festival. We, 26, lived in Chicago and had done nothing in the business. Hope this helps your cry for the why god why of it all. But this isn’t even the worst part. We told a bunch of people. Now his very powerful rep calls your new managers and tells them he will BURY you if you keep telling the story. So now your [sic] poison to everyone who knows him, his famous friends, their managers, everyone. People call you sluts, and cunts. And just by posting this it will all start again so sorry if we’ve been a little quiet for you. And the saddest thing is he has daughters, and we have dads and they have to hear this over and over. And yeah we wish we left the room, but we didn’t. We froze, and were scared, and nervous laughter, and this has sucked more then you will ever know.
Keep in mind, that’s just one of five accusations, and it should’ve been enough to end Louis CK’s career forever. But it’s also full of enough loopholes to rationalize his actions. For example, sitting on a couch, marijuana, being in comedy instead of having babies, beer, Chicago! The list goes on and on because clearly the real criminal was vaginas all along.
Or in other words, Louis CK is the Brett Kavanaugh of comedy now, and he deserves to wear that stink forever. F*ck a Horace and Pete.
Header Image Source: Getty