Richard Linklater and David Cronenberg are returning to the kind of movie that has no chance in hell of having any commercial appeal, because that’s what indie directors do, damnit. Although, in this case, it’s kind of hard to work up any enthusiasm for either project based on their loglines, despite their involvement.
First off, Richard Linklater is tackling Liars (A-E), ostensibly because the title doesn’t make a lick of sense and that’s cool and hip and awesome. It’s a romantic comedy about a woman traveling to the Obama inauguration who retrieves lost items from her boyfriends along the way. Kat Dennings — clothing optional — is set to play the woman’s best friend, because of course she is. That’s what Kat Dennings does (clothing optional). The script was penned by Emma Forrest, who you know from nothing, except that I hear she was dating Colin Farrell but they recently split up because he didn’t mention her at a awards acceptance speech. Bad form, Collin.
Aw, crap. Look at me; I’ve confused Kat Dennings with Lizzy Caplan for, like, the millionth time. My apologies: Kat Dennings always keeps her top on. It’s Lizzy Caplan who is lackadaisical about clothing. My apologies to Kat and her family.
Richard Linklater should really consider recasting Lizzy Caplan. I’m just saying.
Elsewhere, David Cronenberg is directing an adaptation of Don DeLillo’s Cosmopolis, which is about a 28-year-old billionaire who makes an odyssey across Manhattan to get a haircut. Yes. That’s what it’s about. I’m sure there’s a lot more to it — conversations and run-ins, and maybe some post car wreck sexytime, but I haven’t read Cosmopolis on account of the fact that I won’t read DeLillo anymore because White Noise left me in a three-week long pit of despair from which I never thought I’d recover. Although, if you do like to obsess about your own death every second of the goddamn day, I can’t recommend White Noise enough. It’s the perfect book for that suicidal friend you’re trying to drive over the edge!