I don’t even know where to begin here in recapping some of the awesome ugliness that went down last night on the late-night talk shows. First, I should note that Conan’s deal with NBC was finalized this morning — Conan gets $32 million; his staff gets $12 million in severance, and I believe Conan can go to another network by September.
Anyway, last night, Conan ripped NBC seven new assholes, and if you can, do yourself a favor and just watch the entire episode over on Hulu (if you haven’t seen it yet). One of my favorite moments was actually from Adam Sandler, who recounts his experience when he and Chris Farley were fired from “Saturday Night Live.”
Here, Ed Helms makes a surprise appearance to sing his song, “Doug,” from The Hangover, with Conan-centric lyrics:
I have to admit the highlight of the show, however, has no clip available on Hulu — Conan, in an effort to really piss off NBC, brings out a Bugatti Veyron sports car, dresses it up as a Mouse, and plays The Rolling Stone’s “Satisfaction,” over it, at a total price tag to NBC of $1.5 million, which Conan exclaims with a sinister glee (the reason it’s not on Hulu, I imagine, is because the replay rights for “Satisfaction” would probably cost another $100,000). That’s hitting them the only place the soulless NBC can feel it: The wallet.
Oh, and here’s a quote from Conan during the show:
I’ve been having a hard time explaining this whole situation to my kids - because they’re still very young. So I had a doll made of myself - and now I can show my kids EXACTLY where NBC touched daddy.
Moving on, Dave trotted out this clip, in his effort to drive the knife into Jay Leno’s sternum and twist it just a little more.
But the highlight of the entire night, actually, comes from Jay Leno, who struck back at Dave in the only way that Jay Leno knows how: A low fucking blow at Dave’s personal life, aimed at his wife.
Wow! If you can’t watch it, here’s the money quote:
“Letterman has been hammering me every night. Going after me… hey Kev, you know the best way to get Letterman to ignore you? Marry him. He will not bother you. He won’t look you in the eye…”
It sounds like he got a few boos even from his own audience. Typical Leno, though. Crass and below the belt. Maybe tonight Leno will take a jab at Dave’s Mom.
You get the feeling that by the time Leno actually returns to “The Tonight Show” in February, Conan and Dave will have so harmed his reputation, and he’ll have shot himself in the foot so many times with jokes like that, that his ratings will sink. You know that Conan’s hardcore fans will not stick around for the return, and that’s roughly two million of “The Tonight Show’s” current audience. I think this whole saga has caused irreparable damage to Leno, and I’d sure as hell like to see NBC suffer the consequence of all this.