We told you back in July about Jessica Biel guest starring on the New Girl season premier. My point back then was that the New Girl guest stars are either “awesome” or “awful”. What I probably should have said was the guest stars are either “hysterically awesome” or “pretty, but yet to prove their talent.”
The “pretty, but yet to prove their talent” comes in the form of the aforementioned Biel, and Alan Ritchson. What’s Ritchson’s role on the show?
We’ll find out this fall when Smallville alum-turned-Blue Mountain State jock Alan Ritchson guest stars on New Girl as a good looking guy that Jess meets at the bar. The twist? Dude proves to have some, ahem, shortcomings below the belt. (Psst. He’s got a tiny penis.)
Ok. New Girl writers, you’re aware that having a smaller than average penis is one physical attribute, and not an entire character, yes? Just need to check.
Luckily, the “hysterically awesome” comes in the form of Kaitlin Olson (Sweet Dee from It’s Always Sunny):
[Olson] is set to recur in Season 4 of the Fox comedy as Ashley, Jess and Cece’s onetime high school nemesis who is now engaged to Jess’ father Bob (returning guest star Rob Reiner), TVLine has learned.
and Reid Scott (Dan from Veep):
[Biel and Reid] will both be guest starring on a new episode of the Fox comedy series - Jessica as “the hottest scientist in the world” and Reid as a guy that she will have to fight for at a wedding with Zooey Deschanel’s character Jess.
New Girl, you are not Game of Thrones. You just can’t support that many characters. You’re barely able to keep up with the main characters you have. Do you remember Winston’s random cat owning girlfriend and the soup party? That is not character development, and barely qualifies as a plot. I’m implementing a new ground rule: no more guest stars until Coach has one fully formed characteristic that has nothing to do with being a coach. Having a name is not a personality.