Much shame spread through Pajiba when the first Knight and Day trailer aired, because despite containing Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz in an action-rom-com, most of your overlords were kind of entranced by how … not bad it looked. It seemed to have the full-on action of a Mission:Impossible Cruise combined with the residual charm and wildness that made us forgive him in Tropic Thunder. And Cameron Diaz seemed to kind of meld into that likable blonde thing that replicated Christina Applegate in Anchorman. Could it be a resurgence?
But then the marketing demons decided that they hadn’t lured enough men into to complete Scientology’s insidious sperm count decimation plot, and so they tried to redo the trailer with a little less of the charm and a little more of the vroom-vroom-bang-bang. A little less mugging, a little more blasting, and they thought they’ve got it. But they tipped their hand!
I was duped, but now I can see behind the curtain at what a shameless poor-man’s True Lies clone this is. Gone is the M:I, and back is the Charlie’s Angels Redux. The charm was what was winning me over, but now that I see the bad eurotrash knockoff motorcylical stunts, the cheesy pushme-pullyou kama sutra gunplay, the bad “I’m nervous with a gun one scene, and cocking double handguns in the next”, I’m free. The Wicked Witch’s spell is lifted, she’s done got flushed, and we’re free!
Well, at least I am. Dustin’s still colored impressed. That motherfucker’s been drinking the Kool-Aid with both hands on the glass, and we’re gonna have to wash him free or the Thetans will win. High IQ, easily susceptible, low self-esteem because his site’s losing out to lesser ones? Diaz and Cruise still have their buggy-eyed hooks in him. Someone get TK a twelve-pack and a “Freaks and Geeks” DVD set stat.