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Yup. Again.

By TK Burton | Industry | February 4, 2010 |

By TK Burton | Industry | February 4, 2010 |


No, really?


Kate Beckinsale, who was once the indie darling of the world before she decided to convert herself to a full-blown sexpot, is apparently contractually obligated to once again portray the character of Selene in the fourth entry in the increasingly shitty Underworld franchise. For those who haven’t seen the movies, they suck. All of them. The first one was mildly entertaining in parts, the second one was painfully stupid, and the third went straight to video, and it didn’t even deserve that. Beckinsale is completely wooden, Scott Speedman, her dreamboat co-star makes her look like fucking Meryl Streep, and the third featured Rhona Mitra, an actress who’s most well-known for getting ogled while topless in the horrendous Hollow Man. The only even remotely redeeming factors in any of them have been the recurring role of Bill Nighy, and the presence of Michael Sheen (even though he wasn’t particularly good in them).

I guess what I’m saying is, I didn’t particularly care for the movies. What has always befuddled me is how director Len Wiseman (who is responsible for the first two) managed to fuck up such a killer concept. An underground war between vampires and werewolves? Kate Beckinsale in black vinyl? Bill Nighy? I mean, it’s a fucking slam dunk. Except that, oh right, Wiseman also couldn’t direct his thumb to find his own ass. Asshole. Way to fuck it up for everyone.

ANYWAY. The coming of Underworld 4: The Suckening isn’t news. But the news is that apparently Beckinsale is obligated to do the fourth, though she doesn’t want to (possibly due to the aforementioned sucking). According to the boys at Bloody Disgusting, she’s “trying to find a way out of the film — or at least have a smaller role in order to “pass the torch” to one of her kindred.” Screenwriter John Hlavin is quoted as saying, “It will satisfy old fans and excite new audiences, meaning that we don’t want to redo the first three movies, so steps are being taken to honor what fans have loved but at the same time introduce fresh elements.”

Motherfucker, it’s not James Bond. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that there’s a ravenous audience tapping their feet and hoping oh-so-much that there’ll be another Underworld movie. Most people are just hoping to see Beckinsale’s ass in leather again, and maybe see a big fucking wolf tear someone’s head off. Expectations aren’t exactly high.

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TK Burton is the Editorial Director. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.