I know, I know. You swore you wouldn’t be burned again. They trotted out Ian McShane last time and that didn’t make one lick of difference, right? But how can you say no to that adorable winking face? That cheeky Germanic basterd, Cristoph Waltz, is rumored to be the next villain in Pirates Of The Caribbean 5: Dead Men Tell No Tales. Waltz would play a ghost named Captain Brand who is locked in a race against time and Johnny Depp to claim some sort of magical Trident. Sound familiar? Like the plot of every other Pirates movie? Except with fewer and fewer corsets? So what say you? Is Waltz enough to get you to dip your oar back in? He’s certainly an alluring prospect. But I think we all know what this and every other ailing franchise needs. A Rock to the head. Nine pounds of guyliner would really make that eyebrow pop.