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Just Pretend

By Cindy Davis | Industry | September 15, 2010 |

By Cindy Davis | Industry | September 15, 2010 |

Ah Johnny, you know I love you, right? But still, this put-on accent has reached Madonna-like proportions and I’m going to have to start mocking you. If I thought it was just pretend, you being silly for what looks to be a silly film, I could let it pass. But you’ve been slipping into this thing for a while now. Dude, just because you are living in France, have grown out your hair, and maybe don’t wash as much as you used to - it doesn’t make you French. Now do I agree that turning yourself European might make you even more attractive than you were before? Sure. Everyone digs an accent. But really, you just sound like you need to hock a big loogie, so knock that shit off, will you?

As for you Angelina, I suggest you have more Bradbabies or stick to being an action babe who has little to say. While Johnny might sound affected, your dialect borders on the ridiculous. (Now if indeed your character is intended to be ridiculous, I do promise to issue an apology forthwith.)

Anyway, here’s the trailer for The Tourist, starring Johnny Depp as Frank, an American (hear that Johnny?) traveling in Italy and trying to get over a broken heart. Angelina Jolie plays Elise, a woman who deliberately crosses his path and not so deliberately falls for him while trying to execute some sort of secret plan. The film description characterizes Elise as an “extraordinary woman”; I don’t know (or particularly care) what that means - is she a spy or a criminal? Either way, the hotel scene with Johnny feels a little Pink Panther-y, which is a good thing. Because who could take these two seriously? You can run, you can hide, you can put on your throatiest voices but you’re still Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie.

The Tourist also stars Timothy Dalton, Paul Bettany and Rufus Sewell (holy hot men) and you can bet my ass will be in the theater December 10, 2010.

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