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Hey! It's Monday! Go Back to Sleep, A**holes

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 24, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 24, 2009 |

Here’s a few items of note:

First, Bioshock, the big screen adaptation of the video game, which has died and resurrected more times than an 80s horror icon, is alive again. Gore Verbinski is out, because he couldn’t do an overseas shoot, which was necessary for budgetary reasons. In his stead: Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, the writer/director of 28 Weeks Later. I generally like it when studios bring in cheaper, lesser known directors: They not only do more with less, but they tend to do better with less when they’re forced to work with their creativity rather than a special effects budget. Not that I give a whit either way: It’s a video-game movie we’re talking about here. And until somebody makes a decent one, I remain skeptical of them all. My understanding of Bioshock (which comes almost exclusively from Twig), is that the video game is already a movie, and it only needs to be projected on a larger screen. She offers as evidence, this:

Next item: The cast for John Carter of Mars is filling out. The Andrew Stanton (Wall-E, Finding Nemo) adaptation of a series of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ novels, which already has Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins and Willem Dafoe, has now added Samantha Morton, Dominic West and Polly Walker. Kitsch will be playing Carter, and the movie — according to Wikipedia — is about Carter, who is an American Civil War veteran transported to Mars, here called Barsoom. Formerly an Earthlike world, it became less hospitable to life due to its advanced age: as the oceans evaporated, and the atmosphere thinned, the planet devolved into partial barbarism with the inhabitants hardened and warlike, fighting one another to survive. Barsoomians distribute scarce water supplies via a worldwide system of canals, controlled by quarreling city-states. The Martian atmosphere is maintained by a power plant. Carter rescues a humanoid Red Martian princess, Dejah Thoris, from the belligerent four-armed Green Martians, whose respect he gains for his superior strength and fighting ability. He enlists the Green Martians’ assistance in winning a civil war, and saves Mars from destruction when its atmosphere plant malfunctions.

And finally: Here’s your first image from Your Highness, the David Gordon Green film starring James Franco, Danny McBride, Zooey Deschanel and Natalie Portman. The movie, James Franco and Danny McBride play two arrogant, lazy princes. An evil wizard cast a spell on their father and they are forced to go on some sort of quest to save the kingdom. Deschanel is Franco’s love interest, while Portman (*cough*) is McBride’s. And this first image has a little something for everyone, because who doesn’t love the back of Natalie Portman’s head. And look: Dudes in armor! Also, for the equestrian fetishists, a little taste of horse. Get some:


Oh, and just cause: Here’s a sandwich KFC is selling in Omaha. I don’t know whether to puke, or drive to the nearest KFC. Or drive to the nearest KFC and then puke.

(H/T Wonkette)

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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