Well kids, all our crazy speculation, suspicions, hopes and dreams have just been flushed down the damned toilet. Of course, none of these these things have to do with the whole of Avengers: Age of Ultron itself, so we’re still in for a rip-roaring time with Spader and the Gang — but those delicious little add-ons (sprinkles! jimmies?) we look forward to have been cut from the menu.
Whedon dropped the first bomb; we shouldn’t sit waiting for all the credits to run because there’ll be no post-credits Shawarma-ish scene (specifically, because he doesn’t think that scene can be topped):
“We all came at it separately—we don’t want to chase that. That was a jewel and a weird little quirk.
The first rule of making a sequel is take the best moments and do something else. Don’t do the Indiana Jones gun trick again differently. Just go somewhere else. Don’t try to hit the same highs, because people will sense it. There is nothing at the very end. And that’s not a fake-out. We want people to know so they don’t sit there for 10 minutes and then go: ‘Son of a bitch! I’ll kill them!’”
Wait, we’re not allowed to say that just because we know ahead of time? (p.s. I don’t care what you say, I’m staying until the very end.)
Marvel’s Kevin Feige was quick to throw out this clarification:
“There will be a tag. That is, there will be a short, epilogue-like scene that pops up shortly after the credits start. “But there’s not a post-post-credit scene.”
Take a moment, and find your solace in the wiggle of Cap Ass. You’re going to need it.
Better? Keep your fingers ready to scroll back up for another look, because here’s the big-bummer moment. Feige also confirmed there will be no Captain Marvel. I repeat, our sweet dreams of Katee — or anyone else — popping in as Carol Danvers have swiftly been crushed. (Go ahead, scroll back up, no one can blame you.) But, he did throw out one consolation scrap, perhaps a clue to last week’s cast additions; young Black Widow’s instructor will appear, and there is one “secret” female character:
“It’s not a big deal. But it’s a good character.”
Hrm. I don’t think I can deal with all this right now, and I don’t think I believe a word either Whedon or Feige says. IT’S A TRICK. Isn’t it? Because, I live for the post-credit surprises…and I need someone to tell me this is a big, fat trick.