Lookit: I have no idea how I’d feel about “21 Jump Street,” if I saw it today. But back in 1988, I freakin’ loved that show. It’s where we all fell in love with Johnny Depp, and it’s where we all decided that Richard Grieco was poison (and if you ever want to see a contrast in aging, compare images of Grieco and Depp today, keeping in mind that Depp is two years older). And who could forget Holly Robinson or Dom’s son, Peter DeLuise? And I don’t care what anyone says, that theme song is one of the best of the 80s.
So, it’s being remade. Fine, right. Few people besides myself have much of a personal attachment to the show. My problem: Jonah Hill is producing, writing, and possible starring in it. And he promises an “insane, R-Rated” movie. Great, right? “”[Sony execs said] they were gonna let me make my kind of movie—an R-rated, insane, Bad-Boys-meets-John Hughes-type movie—and I told them the second they don’t, I’m not gonna be involved anymore.”
Here’s the problem: What the fuck does Jonah Hill know about “21 Jump Street? He was five years old when the show aired. I don’t want insane Bad Boys meets John Hughes. And I really don’t want Superbad meets cheesy cop show. I want “21 Jump Street.” Damnit. I want to jump … down on jump street.
Don’t fuck this up, Jonah. Seriously: I will feed you to a lipo vac.