In what is clearly a cynical ratings ploy designed to drive up ratings during a non-election year, Jon Stewart will be announcing his retirement on tonight’s The Daily Show, so says his political enemies, although Comedy Central has “confirmed” the announcement. He’s been the host of the show since 1999, and obviously, Jon Stewart loves the grind of creating a show four nights a week for the better part of each year. He would never, ever abandon us, and this is all clearly a hoax. A cruel, cruel hoax perpetrated by the right-wing media, who say that he will finish out his run when his contract ends at the end of the year.
My advice to all of you is to simply ignore tonight’s episode. Do not watch it. If no one sees it, it does not make a sound, and therefore, Jon Stewart will be unable to retire. The thought of not having Stewart for next year’s election is frankly unthinkable, so let’s not think about it, OK? Just stick your fingers in your ears and lalalalalalalalaSHUTUPSTOPTALKING.
Do you know that this means Jimmy Kimmel will be the longest running host of the same show in late night? This is the world we live in now.
God help us all.