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Johnny Manziel Lawsuit from 'CNN's Samantha Schacher' Claims He Harassed Her with His Tiny Penis

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | May 23, 2014 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | May 23, 2014 |

Update: Per The Rapsheet, the filer is a “frequent filer” and “Samantha Schacher” is an alias (and not the CNN contributor). It’s obviously a joke. But it is a very amusing one.

Johnny Manziel, aka Johnny Football, who was recently drafted by the Cleveland Browns, is facing a lawsuit filed by CNN Contributor “Samantha Schacher.” The lawsuit, which seeks $25 million in punitive damages, is real. The allegations, however, are not (and if they’re not true, which seems likely, whoever filed the lawsuit on Schacher’s behalf will probably face charges for filing a frivolous lawsuit). In either case, the allegations are … interesting (and makes me wish that Seth and I were still running the QuizLaw blog).

Basically, “Schacher” is filing a restraining order and a sexual harassment lawsuit stemming from nightmares she suffered due to seeing pictures of his small penis. You can read the entire lawsuit here, but here are some of the highlighted allegations:

  • Manziel sent her a photo of his penis next to a rule reading four and a half inches.

  • Manziel claimed that, after he was drafted by the NFL, he would spring for a penis enlargement so he could be her “Long John Silvers.”

  • Manziel refers to his penis as his “vienna sausage.”

  • Manziel prank calls her and plays the song, “Don’t Want No Short Man, Eenie Weenie Little Shrivel Short Man.”

  • Manziel likes to watch small penis porn on Redtube.

  • Manziel sent her a video of him jiggling his penis while on the “It’s a Small World” ride at Disney World.

  • As a result, Schacter has suffered psychological distress and has had to see a psychologist. She is seeking $25 million.

    Obviously, the complaint reads like an elaborate joke and not something a CNN contributor would ever, ever file. Is Johnny Football actually harassing a woman with pictures of his tiny penis, and is that actually worth $25 million in emotional distress damages. I don’t think so, but it makes for a amusing story on a Friday (that may ultimately lead to civil charges filed against the prankster).

    Source: Deadspin

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    Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.