You know what was super awesome about James Cameron’s obscenely successful Avatar? The special effects. You know what was fucking horrendous? Everything else.
I know, I know, you’ve heard that before. Fuck you, it’s cold and I’m sober.
So anyway, we’re getting two more Avatar movies, entitled Avatar: Blue People Fuck Too and Avatar III: The Avatariest. Cameron will continue to pursue his environmental salvation themes through terrible dialogue and derivative plotting, and it’ll make a gabajamillikillion dollars. I actually kind of admire Cameron’s environmental pursuits, I just think he’s kind of a dick and he can’t fucking write a script. But that’s not really the point of my article and man I wish I had a drink.
OK, that’s better.
Where was I? Right, Avatar sequels. Anyway, Cameron was recently talking to EW, and he said that a) the movies will shoot back-to-back, since that appears to be the fashion of the time:
I am in the process of writing the next two Avatar films now. We are planning to shoot them together and post them together, and we will probably release them not quite back to back, but about a year apart. Christmas ‘14 and ‘15 is the current plan.
Dude. I’m begging you. Let someone else write it. Don’t go all George Lucas on us.
Anyway, he also said that b) the majority of the cast (at least, those who survived, meaning everyone except Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Rodriguez and Stephen Lang) will return:
Basically, if you survived the first film, you get to be in the second film, at least in some form… [And] Fox has partnered with me to donate a chunk of the profits to environmental causes that are at the heart of the Avatar world. I didn’t want to make more Avatar movies without a grander plan in place.
What that means for the likes of Giovanni Ribisi, who was essentially exiled from the planet, is unknown at this part. And with Stephen Lang dead, they’ll have to find another shallow, rote, painfully obvious stereotype of a villain. But again, I applaud the “environmental causes” part. That’s awesome.
But seriously, Jim. I mean, I know “raritanium” was already taken, but “Unobtanium?” What the balls? That’s really the best you could come up with?
Christ on a puked-up pop-tart.