I'm Your Boyfriend Now, Nancy
By now, most of you probably already know that there’s a Nightmare on Elm Street remake in the works, because it’s been a full six years since the last Freddy movie and, clearly, the creative minds behind the franchise have run out of out bad ideas for the direction of the franchise. So, they’ve decided to rehash some of the ideas. Who needs new ideas when you can just put new faces on top of the old ones?!
The new face for the Nightmare on Elm Street remake will be Jackie Earle Haley, previously Rorschach in Watchmen and a self-mutilating pedophile in Little Children. Dude is creepy. In fact, there’s only one guy I can imagine doing Freddy as well as Jackie Earle Haley. And that’s Robert Englund, rest in peace. What’s that? He’s not dead? Then why replace him? I mean, do you really need a new face behind an inch of latex? Whatever. I guess if you made a remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street with Robert Englund, well, you’d just be making the same movie again. Skinnier guy, different voice: Brand new movie! Hooray!
Samuel Bayer, who directed “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and Blind Melon’s “No Rain” and a few other videos they actually aired on MTV (when’s the last time you saw a music video? Not just on MTV, I mean: Period?). Bayer’s approach to Krueger is, apparently, Nosferatu meets Ed Gein. And I’m sure that Bayer is just as good as Wes Craven, like store-brand ketchup is just as good as Heinz.