If you’re going to do a remake, if you’re gonna take it upon yourself to reimagine a classic, then goddammit, you best reinvent it. The Magnificent Seven itself is a remake of Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai, but takes a wonderful film and doesn’t try to recreate it, but honors it by reinventing it. And so, when I heard from that magnificent bastard over at FilmDrunk that Irvine Welsh was planning to redo The Magnificent Seven, I thought, well alright then. At least it’s gonna be creatively fucked up. Maybe the Wild Bunch on heroin?
Then I read his concept:
“Welsh will direct gritty UK comedy The Magnificent Eleven, a modern-day version of the classic 1960 western The Magnificent Seven in which the Cowboys are a local amateur soccer team, the Indians run a nearby Tandoori restaurant and the bandits are a group of menacing thugs run by a maniac called Blonde Bob. The film is set to star Sean Bean, Dougray Scott and Robert Vaughan, the veteran actor who is the last surviving cast member from the original Magnificent Seven.”
What the fuck? I don’t…I can’t even….guheh?
It reads like something Guy Ritchie would have hatched back before he hitched his wagon to the Lucky Star. Irvine Welsh reads like someone crushed up hallucinogens in a Slurpee filled with seven different flavors, then made you take hits through your nostril. The concept alone is fit to set off seizures. And even if it’s a spectacular failure, at least it’s interesting. It’s not just assembling seven somewhat western looking fellas and have them pull off a gunfight. This is mindwaffling.
Welsh’s actually got one directing credit under his belt — some kind of direct to DVD crap — but I still think this will be worth catching.