If You Love Your Children, Don't Show Them The 'Woody Woodpecker' Movie
If I was a super villain and I wanted to harm all of the children of the world, I would fund and release a movie like Woody Woodpecker. If I was the Secretary of Education in the US and thought bears broke into schools, I would be delighted that the Woody Woodpecker movie exists.
This straight-to-DVD, at least outside of Brazil, hits all of the terrible live-action movie notes.
We have a woman hit in the face with a broom, pooped on, and in an explosion inside an RV. We have music from over 17 years ago blaring throughout the trailer. We have a young kid that befriends the cartoon character and enjoys the mass destruction and wanton disregard for the safety of others wrought by that character. We have young children punished for being jerks by losing their clothes.
Neat. That’s really nice for the kids to see, Universal Animation Studios.
Do you want to know what’s so much worse than all of this? What’s so much worse than the trailer, the acting, the plot, and the complete insanity of making a movie starring a cartoon woodpecker from 1940?
Woody Woodpecker was released in Brazil on October 5th of this year. As of December, it has grossed $6.7 million and earned $1.5 million its opening weekend, putting it just behind Blade Runner 2049. THEN it increased its box office take its second weekend AND WAS NUMBER ONE. Let that sink in.
The movie stars people that lost a bet, including Thalia Ayala, Timothy Omundson, and no one else whose name I recognize. If you have children that you hate, or are related to children that you hate, Woody Woodpecker will be released on DVD and Blu-Ray on February 6, 2018.
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