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I Had A Long John But No Silver: The Increasingly Ridiculous Cast Of New Year's Eve

By TK Burton | Industry | March 22, 2011 |

By TK Burton | Industry | March 22, 2011 |

Garry Marshall’s New Year’s Eve is set to become one of the most spectacular, incredible, star-studding piles of rancid romcom crap in the history of cinema. Marshall already insulted the globe’s collective intelligence with the atrocious Valentine’s Day, an insipid, uninspired, unimaginative pile of “all you need is a good man/woman/goat” film making if there ever was one. Now, he’s making the spiritual whore-sister to it.

And the cast is absolutely nuts. The newest cast member is Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, who is desperately trying to find a breakout role, but has thus far been relegated to wise-cracking sidekick roles (2 Fast, 2 Furious, No Strings Attached). He was actually probably the best part of Crash, in a limited role again. I like the guy, actually. I think some of his music is amusing, and lyrically he’s surprisingly adept, albeit crude and puerile most of the time. He’s charismatic, funny, and I certinaly wish his career no ill. Now, he’s going back to romcoms — in New Year’s Eve, he’ll play a NYC cop who works in Time’s Square and… oh, seriously. Who gives a fuck.

No, really. WHO GIVES A FUCK.

For those of you who do, I’m gonna hit you in the mouth with a brick here’s the rest of the cast:

Abigail Breslin, Robert De Niro, Zac Efron, Ashton Kutcher, Lea Michele, Sarah Jessica Parker, Joey Bago’donuts, Michelle Pfeiffer, Mahatma Gandhi, Hilary Swank, Walter Matthau, Sienna Miller, Sofia Vergara, Til Schweiger, Darth Bane, Josh Duhamel, Assblaster McGee, Ice Cube, Ryan Seacrest, Bill Clinton, Alyssa Milano, Your Mom, Seth Meyers, Jessica Biel, Cary Grant, Katherine Heigl, Horace Pinker, Halle Berry and Carla Gugino.

(via The Playlist)

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TK Burton is the Editorial Director. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.