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I Flat-Out Refuse to Believe This Is True

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 18, 2010 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 18, 2010 |

So, let’s say you’re Bradley Cooper. A year ago, after bumbling around for a while in supporting roles — usually as a giant prick — you get the break of your life in The Hangover. Suddenly, you’re a huge star, even surviving All About Steve, a bad movie choice you made before The Hangover. So, you sign on to The A-Team to demonstrate your ability to do an action pic, and against the odds, you’re actually great in the movie. You come back for The Hangover 2, of course. Next, you sign sign on to a prestige pic — The Dark Fields, opposite Robert DeNiro, directed by Neil Burger. That’s smart. And while you’re at it, just to round it out, you take another stab at a romantic comedy, but you’re smart enough to do one opposite Kate Winslet. Nicely done, Brad Cooper. Give your agent a raise, and wait for the nice homicidal sociopath villain role.

Oh, wait. Nevermind. You just signed on to a lame-ass Disney family film. Jackass. That’s not part of the plan, Bradley. Action, prestige, sequel, romantic comedy … family sports film? Come on.

Indeed, Cooper has signed on to an untitled baseball movie written by hacktacular Allan Loeb (21). Get a load of the premise: Cooper plays a major league baseball player who suffers an injury and is forced to return to the minor leagues. Once in the minors, he’s forced to live in a … senior citizen’s nursing home. That’s where he meets an old baseball guru who leads him back to the majors with some weepy old man speeches.

So, a family sports drama with a lot of inspirational hokum? Nice. Nice job, Cooper. We’d hate for anyone to think that you had any sort of edge. Bland, generic, family friendly roles are perfect for you! Why don’t you just jump straight into the live action talking animal movies already?

Way to stretch yourself, buddy.


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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.