Do you ever feel nostalgic for the 80s? Of course you don’t. How would you even have a chance to miss an era that is constantly being shoved back in your face? Maybe if everything you loved as a child weren’t being perpetually rebooted or sequelized, you’d be able to have some pleasant, wistful feeling, but we can never know for sure.
Case in point: Big, indisputably (TRY ME) one of the greatest movies ever made, is being adapted for your very own television set. This one seems to maybe, cautiously, I don’t even want to jinx it, have potential. It’s being executive produced by Kevin Biegel, who did Enlisted (which I never saw, but Dustin liked) and Cougar Town (which I also never saw, but Abed liked), along with Mike Royce, of Men of a Certain Age and Louis CK’s Lucky Louie.
This is a movie that could actually totally work for TV. Who wouldn’t want to spend more time watching Josh play with toys? Or eating gross caviar? Or singing Shimmy Shimmy Cocoa Pop*? There are really only two major issues to be avoided here. 1. This movie is so much darker than most remember, and it would be easy for this to fall into traditional sitcom territory, ditching the utter loneliness that Josh deals with through most of the film. And 2. If the movie went on any longer, Josh totally would have banged Elizabeth Perkins, which is SO GROSS because he may look big, BUT HE’S NOT BIG, LIZ. He’s a little child. My one request for this show: please never have a grown woman bang a child, on the top or bottom bunk.
(ETA: Apparently these two DID full-on bone, and my brain blocked it out because THAT’S SO UPSETTING. I’m going to continue to let my brain forget that. Carry on, brain.)
Next up in 80s resuscitation that no one asked for, that Tetris movie we’ve all been joking about for the last few years is finally being made, and it sounds TERRIBLE. With any luck, though, it will be that summer heat wave matinee, drunk heckling, oh-so-much-fun kind of terrible:
It’s a very big, epic sci-fi movie. This isn’t a movie with a bunch of lines running around the page. We’re not giving feet to the geometric shapes. … Brands are the new stars of Hollywood. We have a story behind Tetris which makes it a much more imaginative thing. … We certainly have the canvas for location-based entertainment based on the epicness. … What you [will] see in ‘Tetris’ is the teeny tip of an iceberg that has intergalactic significance.Oh yes. I cannot wait for this terrible mess. Hopefully the Tetris Infinity plot will spawn 10 years of Pong and Centipede movies. Oh! And there’s even total potential for a Big crossover, a la Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.!
*Vivian Kane wants you to know that if you didn’t click that link, your day/life is not nearly what it could be.