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Phooey Indeed!

By Seth Freilich | Industry | July 14, 2009 |

By Seth Freilich | Industry | July 14, 2009 |

Okay, now this is some bullshit. Late yesterday, Variety reported that Alcon Entertainment, some fucking company nobody has ever heard of, is running fullsteam ahead with a mix cartoon/live-action Hong Kong Phooey (and Brett Ratner’s a producer!). For those of you too young to remember, “Hong Kong Phooey” was one of the 1970’s Hanna-Barbera staples of Saturday morning, featuring a crime-fighting kung fu dog. As a 1970’s cartoon, it rocked. As a modern movie, it’ll do something less thank rock.

But that’s not what I’m pissed off about. No, ya’ see, I don’t give a shit about a “Hong Kong Phooey” movie. But if they’re going to dig into my childhood for cartoon superheros, whatever with Hong Kong and his kung fu. If you’re going to rape and pillage, do it right. I want Captain Caveman. I want Jabberjaw. And I want a motherfucking Bananaman movie and I wants it now! I mean seriously, the motherfucker can defeat aliens with little more than the power of a few carefully tossed banana peels. Kung fu ain’t got shit on slapstick!

Unfamiliar with Bananaman? Watch and learn, friend, watch and learn:

See, fucking rad, right? He’s got banana-powered biceps, for crying out loud! Stupid Hollywood studios, get on this shit now.

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Seth is a Senior Editor and sometime critic. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.