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That Halloween Movie You Love Is Getting A Remake You Definitely Won't Watch

By Tori Preston | Industry | September 28, 2017 |

By Tori Preston | Industry | September 28, 2017 |

Deadline reports that the Disney Channel is working on an update to the Greatest Halloween Movie of All Time.

No, I’m not talking about Teen Witch. That movie is untouchable.

And no, I’m not talking about Trick ‘r Treat which IS great, but is also wholly inappropriate for the Disney Channel (unless they’re rebranding, in which case I’d have to start watching the Disney Channel).

I’m referring, of course, to 1993’s Hocus Pocus, the cult classic and eternal autumnal masterpiece (catching it on TV is akin to ordering your first pumpkin spice latte of the season). Yup, it’s true: The Sanderson Sisters are coming back to Salem. But not in the way you were hoping, because the original cast — Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy — will not be reprising their roles.

Look, this is a TV movie, so I’m not surprised they aren’t willing to shell out for the “Bette Midler Witch Wig” budget that would be required. And it’s a remake, not a sequel, so recasting is kind of expected. It’s not like the original writers or director are coming back either.

Still, it hurts in a way I wasn’t expecting. Partly because the surprise campy delight of the film was entirely due to the gung-ho performances from Midler, Parker and Najimy. Also, let’s be honest: the Sanderson Sisters are resurrected fucking witches — there is actually no reason why the original actresses can’t play the same roles, just 24 years older. Who cares what age they were when they died, or what age they are when they come back? IT’S GODDAMN MAGIC, FOLKS. It’s also sad because there have been indications in the past that the actresses might even WANT to come back to the roles (though they might have only been saying that, assuming there was no chance in hell it would happen).

In any case, the original film will always be there, untarnished. Our childhood memories shall remain intact. And who knows? Maybe the new TV movie will hold that same place in the hearts of a new generation. One thing is for certain though — nothing they do will ever top THIS masterpiece:

Tori Preston is the managing editor of Pajiba. She tweets here. You can also listen to her weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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