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Here's What James Franco Looks Like as a Married, Ex-Gay Christian Pastor

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 12, 2014 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 12, 2014 |

There are a lot of folks who stumble through their lives either uncertain about their own sexuality, or so ashamed of it that they lie to themselves about it. My Dad, for instance, lied to himself through three kids and 20 years, and even after he admitted it to himself, vowed to reform his sinful ways.

My father listened to too much fucking Rush Limbaugh. He was a self-hating homosexual, and dumb as spit, and thought he could just change himself.

There’s also something self-hating about Michael Glatze, a former gay-rights advocate and co-founder of Young Gay America, who had a health scare with celiac’s disease and decided not only to give up gluten, but to give up dick. Poor dumb, self-hating bastard.

Now he’s a married, hetoresexual Christian pastor because God Bless America and God Bless Vagina! James Franco will be playing him in a movie, and Zachary Quinto will be playing his ex-boyfriend of ten years. Emma Roberts will be playing his love interest, i.e., the woman with the incredibly unfulfilling sex life.

This is what Franco will look like via Franco’s Instagram.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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