Your Suffering Will Be Legendary, Even In Hell
I don’t think Clive Barker had any idea what it would come to. When he directed the original Hellraiser in 1987 (based on his short story “The Hellbound Heart”), Barker certainly couldn’t have imagined that it would spawn nine sequels, all getting worse and worse as time goes on. I know for a fact that they get worse, because believe it or not, I’ve seen seven of them. What can I say — I’m a Pinhead fan.
And they’re awful. The first Hellraiser is bloody brilliant. It’s an intelligent, bizarre, and creepy as fuck horror flick that is still fantastic to watch. The second is almost a satire of the first, but has it’s enjoyable parts. That, however, is the end of the road for Hellraiser. After that, it’s a steep drop off.
Over the past couple of years, Dimension Films has been bandying about the idea of a remake, an idea that I was initially very, very opposed to. Not because I view the film as a sacred cow, but simply because I’ve seen how remakes are getting butchered into pathetic simulacra of their former selves. Given to the right director and writing team, it could actually be quite promising. Given to, say, Jerry Bruckheimer’s army of soulless idea-rapers, and it would be a epic fuckup to end all epic fuckups.
However, Dimension doesn’t appear to know what the hell they want. They’ve flirted with several film makers regarding the remake, including Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo (Inside), Pascal Laugier (Martyrs), and Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton, of the Feast movies and the latter, poorer Saw films. Of those groups, I’d love to see what Laugier could do, even though Martyrs is a brutal film that I almost didn’t survive. Dunstan and Melton can go shit in their hats, though.
Regardless, because Dimension doesn’t want to lose the rights to the title, and since they couldn’t get their remaking asses together, they’re just going to throw together another sequel, which will be titled Hellraiser: Revelations. It’s pretty much the worst of all worlds — it’ll be written by Gary Tunnicliffe, the second unit director for the seventh film, directed by Victor Garcia, who directed the DTV film Return To The House On Haunted Hill, and will star Peta Wilson, whose star has apparently fallen quite far since the “La Femme Nikita” TV series.
In other words, it’ll be another sack of shit smeared onto a strip of celluloid. Fabulous. Well, two out of ten ain’t bad. Oh no, wait — that’s actually horrendous. Never mind.
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