Spider-Man: Homecoming is supposed to be the triumphant feature-length debut of a Marvel property in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, right? So why can’t they figure out that packing too much into a single film is why Spider-Man 3 sucked so much ass? Well, that and Emo Spidey as played by the aged corpse of Tobey Maguire.
It has been rumored that the villains of Homecoming will be The Vulture and Shocker (incidentally, this villain is not pink and did not emerge from the stink). The thought is that Michael Keaton is The Vulture and possibly Logan Marshall-Green (aka The Poor Man’s Tom Hardy) would be Shocker.
BUT there was also talk that Bokeem Woodbine (Fargo) was cast as a bad guy and that HE was going to be Shocker. Perhaps Woodbine is a whole other bad guy?
Now there is talk that Aunt May (Marissa Tomei) might have a new boyfriend that Peter Parker (Tom Holland) thinks is a real dick.
So that’s somewhere between 2 and 4 villains in Marvel’s first entry into the Spider-Man MCU canon? Let us not forget that The Tinkerer is the maker of the technology used by Shocker and The Vulture, made from Chitauri tech scraps. So that gives us the possibility of a fifth villain if he appears in this movie.
Maybe all of these fools won’t be actually doing dirty deeds in Homecoming. Maybe it’s a set-up for a longer marathon of Spidey flicks that lead into a Sinister Six or something. I don’t even know exactly who the Six are (now I do; thanks, Google), but perhaps it is a very big build to that movie? Wait, is that Sinister Six movie still on the table?
Goddamn it, I am so confused. Is Marvel making that Frog-Man movie with a cameo from Toad that they work out with FOX? Perhaps a Left-Winger vs Captain America arc where they try to out-patriot each other? Where are my pills?