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The Hell She Screaming For? Oh, Another Halloween Movie?

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 31, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 31, 2009 |

We’re still trying to shake last week’s horror week out of our system, especially in light of the fact that horror isn’t the most popular genre with our readers, which means there was a lot of blah with regard to last week’s subject material. But, they are profitable at the box office, so don’t expect them to go away anytime soon. Let’s just hope that, in the future, there’s at least a modicum of counter-programming (hippie movies don’t count). Sorority Row debuts in two weeks, but at least there’s also 9 to enjoy, Whiteout to ignore, and Tyler Perry to bash.

At any rate, even though Rob Zombie’s Halloween II landed only in third place this weekend, with $17 million, the newly emboldened Weinsteins (thanks to Inglourious Basterds) have decided to green-light a third one. And why not? A $17 million opening weekend recoups the entire $15 million production budget, and it’ll probably double it at the box-office and pour on the blood gravy on DVD.

However, the third time around, the new Halloween franchise will not get one-upped by another tired horror movie franchise that decides to add 3D to its bag of tricks (along with razor blades, rusty nails and short fucking skirts), as happened over the weekend up with The Final Destination. Appropriately, the next sequel will be Halloween 3D. Raise up, heeya.

I’ve got no problem with the 3D; in fact, with horror movies, it actually adds to the cheese factor, which made My Bloody Valentine 3D an extraordinarily awesome so-bad-it’s-good experience. It didn’t add much to Final Destination, however, except to make it look cheap and even more gimmicky. I don’t truly understand the technology behind the new 3D, but I do know The Final Destination proved that it could be done poorly.

Note, however, that Rob Zombie will not be in the director’s chair this time around. Zombie has moved on to another remake, The Blob, so the Weinsteins will have to find a replacement. Those second-tier horror directors are fairly interchangeable (and a first-tier horror director probably won’t jump to an existing franchise, especially one that’s already coughing up phlegm like a sickly Pet Semetary lap dog), so when a director is announced, it’ll probably be someone like Patrick Lussier (My Bloody Valentine) or one of the many writers or directors that the Saw franchise has spawned. My money is on Marcus Dunstan (The Collector) because I loathe him, and the universe loathes me.

Halloween 3D will be released next summer. Probably the last weekend of August again. Cause the Weinsteins aren’t brave enough to go after the Saw franchise over the more appropriately Halloween weekend. And besides, when it comes to Jigsaw Murderer vs. Michael Myers, the real loser is us. You see, God. I toldja you shouldn’t have rested on the 7th day. Look what you’ve wrought.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.