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I'm Pretty Sure Kemo Sabe Just Means Dumbass Cracker

By TK Burton | Industry | November 29, 2010 |

By TK Burton | Industry | November 29, 2010 |

Wow, is this ever a dumb idea. I mean, a really dumb idea. Making a movie out of The Lone Ranger, a character who, while pretty iconic, hasn’t had a decent adaptation in the last 50 or so years? Plus, there’s the whole “trusty indian sidekick” thing for people to get in a tizzy about. And yet, here we are…

Disney (of course) has signed Gore Verbinski to direct The Lone Ranger, doubtless hoping he can do for the Ranger what he miraculously did for Pirates Of The Caribbean — that is, make a mega-franchise out of a singularly stupid fucking idea. To sweeten the deal, Johnny Depp has signed on, because apparently Verbinski is second only to Tim Burton for Johnny Depp these days.

Oddly enough, Depp won’t be playing John Reid aka The Lone Ranger (so-called because Tonto, after finding him in the aftermath of a massacre of Texas Rangers, proclaimed, “others dead, you lone ranger now”). Instead, Depp will be playing Tonto.

I have no idea where to take the joke from there. So instead, I will leave you with this: footage from the atrociously hideously awful 2003 TV movie starring Chad Michael Murray as The Lone Ranger. It’s baaaad.

You’re welcome.

(source: Variety)

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TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.