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Just a Squirt

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | March 9, 2010 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | March 9, 2010 |

Fox has announced that “Fringe” will be coming back for a third season, which is excellent news to everyone who has a sweet spot for interdimensional shape shifting super soldiers being battled by Leonard Nimoy and a plucky team of FBI agents working out of a Harvard basement. Poor man’s “X-Files?” Eh, I’ll grant that Joshua Jackson is no David Duchovny, but then David Duchovny isn’t even David Duchovny anymore.

The show gets a bit of flak in the internet tubes for being too fast and easy on the science, just stapling together junky technobabble in the interests of plot movement. I can grant that as a weakness, but I think it’s trumped by the show’s absolute dedication to its resident mad scientist, Walter. He eats red vines while performing autopsies, regularly takes self-designed hallucinogens, milks his own cow, and there was the whole mental hospital thing, but that clearly was just a misunderstanding.

The rest of season two starts back up on April 1, but until then, here’s some of the best of Walter:

“I just got an erection. Oh, fear not, it’s nothing to do with your state of undress. I think I simply need to urinate.”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. You were abducted, of course you need crepes!”

“My dear, I’m not certain that you’re not simply a figment of my imagination.”

“Oh, finally some good news. I assume we can dig them up? I haven’t had any bodies to examine.”

“We’re all mutants. What’s more remarkable is how many of us appear to be normal.”

“Well, we’re all victims of our own gene pool. Someone must have peed in yours.”

“Peter! Peter! They said I can ride in the back with the body. Can I?”

“Splendid, then perhaps in this case, death is simply an inconvenience.”

“We’re trying to plug a hole in the universe. What are you doing here?”

“Psychedelics? No, not since Thursday, no.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Perhaps a pterodactyl.”

“Unless you have an IQ higher than mine, I am not interested in what you think.”

“Oh, I see. I hope she doesn’t notice the $2,000 for the baboon seminal fluid I ordered. I hope I can recall why I ordered it.”

Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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