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Five People Who Probably Give Worse Head than Jeremy Piven

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | March 27, 2012 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | March 27, 2012 |

Sarah Tressler, Houston Chronicle writer, stripper, and author of the blog, “Diary of An Angry Stripper” unleashed a post onto the interwebs discussing time she spent with notorious douche-swaggler, Jeremy Piven, while she was an intern at Us Weekly. The post is from back in January, but my colleague on Warming Glow (and now here), Josh Kurp, dug it up this morning for the Schadenfreude-tastic edification of the Internet.

In the blog post, Ms. Tressler relays an anecdote about the time that Piven turned a fluff interview into a hookup. Revelations about Piven include, unsurprisingly, that he’s a bad tipper, that he’s a prick, and that he tries to pick up women with the allure of taped UFC fights back at his apartment. Classy, Piven. Classy. The most amusing tidbit, however, was this line, describing Ms. Tressler’s hook-up with Piven.

I alternated between being nervous that I was not as hot as his last hookup, being amazed that I was looking at “Entourage“‘s Ari Gold eat my pussy, and being bored with how mundane it was. It was all somewhat disappointing, frankly.

Well, of course it was, sweetie. Just because a guy can talk fast on TV doesn’t mean he knows his way around complex female anatomy. So, Piven gives bad head. But he couldn’t possibly be the worst, right? Of course not. Here are five people who probably shirk that cherished duty even worse than Piven.

Edward Scisshorhands


Young Ben Stiller in There’s Something About Mary


Neo in The Matrix


Garp post car accident in The World According to Garp


Marcy Darcy in Fright Night


(Source: WarmingGlow, which has the full account)

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.