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First Look: Evil Dead Remake (Plus, An Encore Presentation of the 10 Best Evil Dead Lines Re-Written By Diablo Cody)

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | October 14, 2012 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | October 14, 2012 |

Look: I don’t know if remaking Evil Dead is a good idea, but I can’t deny that I got a certain thrill in seeing the above image recreated for the new film. Evil Dead is my favorite trilogy of all time, Evil Dead II (which is essentially a remake of Evil Dead) is my favorite horror film of all time, and while my knee jerk reaction would be to kill it with fire, I am nevertheless cautiously optimistic. Honestly, I’ll take more Evil Dead anyway I can get it, and the fact that Bruce Campbell is exec producing the remake gives it some credibility.

I haven’t seen the film’s first trailer, which unspooled this weekend at the NY Comic Con, but Drew Taylor over on The Playlist list did, and he writes that it was very well received:

It was an explicitly red band trailer and the attendees in the auditorium were losing their shit. While the moments flashed by, we caught the following: possession; demons; someone chainsawing off his arm or possibly another character’s arm; the return of the rapist trees (this time with extra grope-y vine action); and a character’s graphic self mutilation, which involved them splitting their tongue down the middle with what appeared to be a rusty pair of scissors … People were shrieking, screaming, laughing, and generally going ape. From the brief assembly of footage it looked like Alvarez and his confederates had gleefully captured the demonic spirit of the original and funneled it into something new and altogether more extreme.

I expect that trailer will be along any day now on the Internet. We’ll post it as soon as it’s available.

The remake is being directed by Fede Alvarez, stars Jane Levy (from “Suburgatory”) and the screenplay was re-written by Diablo Cody, which reminds me that I rewrote 10 Signature Evil Dead lines as I imagine they will be re-written by Diablo Cody.

Here’s an encore presentation of those lines:

  • Original line: This… is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top of the line.

    Cody’s Change: This is my IStick. The Big Gulp of murder weapons. I will cram it up your spout and splatter your menses all over the back wall. Forshizzle.

  • Original line: First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow.

    Cody’s Change: Kiss me or kill me, homeskillet? Pick a flavor and chew.

  • Original line: Then let’s head on down into that cellar and carve ourselves a witch.

    Cody’s Change: Then let’s head on down into that cellar and cut that bitch like a Chinese chick on an ugly cuticle.

  • Original line: Gimme some sugar, baby.

    Cody’s Change:Pass Me an Eggo, Skippy.

  • Original line: You’re goin’ down. Chainsaw.

    Cody’s Change: I will rip you open like a frat boy on a Sweet Valley High virgin.

  • Original line: Yo, she-bitch! Let’s go!

    Cody’s Change: Yo Monistat! Let’s tumble.

  • Original line: Good. Bad. I’m the guy with the gun.

    Cody’s Change: Good. Bad. I’m the guy with the souped-up Red Ryder BB-Gun and it’s aimed right at your eye, Ralphie.

  • Original line: Hail to the king, baby.

    Cody’s Change: I’m kinda the shit.

  • Original line: Lady, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store.

    Cody’s Change: Lady, go play Hello Titty with the homeless guy out in the parking lot.

  • Original line: Groovy.

    Cody’s Change: Groovy.

    (Image Source: The Playlist)

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    Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.