It must be a day ending in ‘y’ because another old film from the eighties is getting the reboot treatment. Today’s entry in the collection is Firestarter, a decent Stephen King novel, and a pretty good 1984 movie with a horrible 2002 sequel. It’s not the worst movie they could remake, but they’re certainly going to have a hell of a time topping the original’s cast: Drew Barrymore, Martin Sheen, Heather Locklear, and George C. Scott.
Variety reports that the reboot is “expected to be loosely based on the original King book, but with an effort to reinvent the main character with a little more edge.”
Oh that makes total sense, because that novel is a real laugh a minute ride. Let’s review that thirty year old novel with some massive spoilers as to just how unedgy it is. Okay, we’ve got a little girl who can start fires with her brain. And not little fires either. Towards the end of the novel she is melting cinderblocks without any effort and there’s speculation that if she tried she could actually set off a nuclear chain reaction through sheer mental force. Real after school special stuff there. Kidnapped, held by government, check. Mom gets killed violently, check. Dad gets killed violently, check. Kid in question repeatedly massacres people by lighting them on fire and if they fight back she melts their bullets out of the air, check and check. It’s been a few years, but I’m pretty sure that Charlie is the only character who actually manages to survive the entire novel.
I’m not complaining about this, and I’m certainly not complaining about a movie wanting to make things dark and edgy, except in so far as saying that means you probably aren’t actually going to do that. I’m really just wondering how the hell you take that story and make it edgier.
Oh that’s right. They’ll make her fifteen instead of seven, cast someone off of the Disney channel who can pout on command, and give her a love interest off of the CW. Edgy my ass.