I keep watching the Final Destination movies, and I have no idea why. I mean, I like a good beheading or disemboweling as much as the next guy, but the well seemed to run dry a few years back. The first one was pretty great — hardly a brilliant script, but enough nifty ideas and goofily gruesome bloodletting to keep my attention (unrelated: What the hell happened to Devon Sawa, anyway? Is he still alive?). The second one ratcheted things up a good deal, but was still mostly entertaining. And then things started to go to shit, with the last one (The Final Destination) ending up being remarkable only for its lackluster pacing and writing.
Well, never one to stop fucking a dead horse, Warner Brothers and New Line are coming back with a fifth entry. They’ve hired a new screenwriter, Eric Heisserer, in the hopes that he can bring some of the old glory back. Except, of course, that Heisserer is most well-known for the boring-as-fuck Nightmare On Elm Street reboot. Oh, and he’s also writing the remake of The Thing.
Sorry. Got away from things for a second there. Anyway, we now know what the great tragedy that will set Death on its quest to creatively kill a bunch of conventionally handsome dullards in the next entry:
In this fifth installment, Death is just as omnipresent as ever, and is unleashed after one man’s premonition saves a group of coworkers from a terrifying suspension bridge collapse. But this group of unsuspecting souls was never supposed to survive, and, in a terrifying race against time, the ill-fated group frantically tries to discover a way to escape Death’s sinister agenda. The new victims of Death’s plan are part of a cast led by Emma Bell (Frozen, TV’s “The Walking Dead”) and Nick D’Agosto (Fired Up!, TV’s “Heroes”). The film is being shot on location in Vancouver, Canada. The second of the “Final Destination” films to be shot in 3-D, Final Destination 5 is being directed by Steve Quale, marking his major feature film directorial debut.
One can only assume they’re drawing inspiration from the infamous Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapse of 1940 (which I recently drove over and was freaked the fuck out). Hopefully they can bring a little more excitement to this one (which will, of course, be in 3D like the last one) and make it a little more memorable.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to pop in Carpenter’s The Thing and drink myself unconscious.