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Fasterousness and Furiousity

By TK Burton | Industry | February 4, 2010 |

By TK Burton | Industry | February 4, 2010 |

I’d love to say that I’m surprised about this, but I’m not. Hollywood’s glistening, moneymaking carporn series, The Fast and the Furious, is gearing up (Heh. Gearing. Get it?) for a fifth entry, simply called Fast Five. Apparently, the titles are getting shorter and shorter, from last year’s Fast and Furious to this. 2012 will likely have an entry just called Fast, and eventually they’ll just be called F. For “Fuck you, audience.”

Anyway, Universal has already re-paired the writer and director of two other entries (Chris Morgan and Justin Lin, respectively) for the film, and yes, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker are on board). I’m guessing that they’ll steal fancy little Japanese cars and race them, you know, fast. There will likely be some serious furiousness. Furiousity? Furiousesse? Furiousticness? Yeah, I believe furiousticness is the correct term. Anyway, I’m guessing there will also be a woman who will not be Michelle Rodriguez, because her dumbass character got herself killed in the fourth film. If she has any damn sense, she’s thankful for that. Vin Diesel, whatever. I’ve abandoned what little respect I had for him after Boiler Room and Pitch Black. And Paul Walker is basically just a blond Keanu Reeves but with less range. God he sucks.

Vroom vroom, motherfuckers.

TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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