You know how two guys can be best friends in high school? Just like fucking peas in a pod, they do everything together, and then their gonna go to college together and get an apartment and they’re gonna fucking tear shit up. I mean, high school is the shit for them, they’re at the top of their game, popular dudes all the ladies want. Life doesn’t get any better than this.
Then they sort of part ways, as people are wont to do, and move on. Then ten years down the road, they bump into each other at a convenience store. Dude A is rocking a Ferrari, driving from party A to party B with a backseat full of beautiful babes, stopping off to get some more condoms, baby lotion, cheese curls and a disposable digital camera. Dude B is living at the trailer park next door, all his hair fell out of his head and into his gut, and he’s microwaving his burrito before going to cash his disability checks.
That’s kind of what it’s gotta be like when Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn see each other these days.
Favreau’s directing Iron Man 2, which is probably going to be the biggest thing since CGI’d bread. While his writing career as sadly petered out, he’s battling Nolan for comic-movie crown. And so he picked for his follow up a project called Cowboys and Aliens, which starts shooting in July, where the gunslingers and injuns join forces in the wild west to take on aliens that have landed. It’s another comic property, and he’s got Robert Downey, Jr. signed on. It sounds very similar to what Peter Berg is planning doing with Battleship — only not fucking retarded.
Meanwhile, Vince Vaughn’s joined forces with Ron Howard on an upcoming “infidelity comedy.” Either he’s a guy who finds out his best friend’s wife is cheating on him, or maybe he’s the one who moves in with the guy who his best friend’s wife is cheating on him with, or does it really matter? The script doesn’t even have a title, because it’s one of the development projects penned by Allen Loeb, that dazzling scribe responsible for such stellar scripts as Things We Lost in the Fire, 21, and the forthcoming Wall Street 2. Loeb’s literally crapping out scripts like A.W.E.S.O.M.O., and of the same quality. Howard’s intent on killing his career at the behest of pudgy, swept-haired leading men in the forefront of increasingly mediocre scripts, and Vaughn will do anything for a cigarette and a Krispy Kreme, so it’s undoubtedly sure to be a smashing success.
I fear the day when Fav’s is draped over Vaughn’s bloated corpse, a comeback script clutched in his hand as he tries to beat Vince’s heart back to life. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.