I honestly forgot that this was the fifth one.
Seriously, who would’ve thought back in 2001 when Rob Cohen released the goofy-assed car porn flick The Fast And The Furious that there would be four more of them to follow. But here we are, on the verge of seeing the fifth entry, Fast Five, which promises to be faster and furiouser than any of the others.
Also, according to Firefox, “furiouser” is a word. I did not know that, either.
In any event, Justin Lin (who directed the very good Better Luck Tomorrow and has pretty much sucked since) is directing the newest entry, and now there’s a lengthy, gloriously PR-heavy synopsis available:
Vin Diesel and Paul Walker lead a reunion of returning all-stars from every chapter of the explosive franchise built on speed in Fast Five. In this installment, former cop Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) partners with ex-con Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel) on the opposite side of the law. Dwayne Johnson joins returning favorites Jordana Brewster, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Tyrese Gibson, Sung Kang, Gal Gadot, Matt Schulze, Tego Calderon and Don Omar for this ultimate high-stakes race.
Since Brian and Mia Toretto (Brewster) broke Dom out of custody, they’ve blown across many borders to elude authorities. Now backed into a corner in Rio de Janeiro, they must pull one last job in order to gain their freedom. As they assemble their elite team of top racers, the unlikely allies know their only shot of getting out for good means confronting the corrupt businessman who wants them dead. But he’s not the only one on their tail.
Hard-nosed federal agent Luke Hobbs (Johnson) never misses his target. When he is assigned to track down Dom and Brian, he and his strike team launch an all-out assault to capture them. But as his men tear through Brazil, Hobbs learns he can’t separate the good guys from the bad. Now, he must rely on his instincts to corner his prey…before someone else runs them down first.
DUN DUN DUNNNNN!
Yeah. That sounds pretty stupid, but then, no one sees the Fast and Furious movies expecting to see brilliant plotting. You go to see cars and biceps and cleavage and explodey shit. Unfortunately, the last entry killed off Michelle Rodriguez, who was the most appealing part (to me, anyway). So now we’re left with Diesel wearing tank tops and Walker’s breathtaking portrayal of… um… Paul Walker.
Anyway, because no one asked for it, Fast Five, coming soon to a theater near you.