On Friday, Cindy reported on a shitsplosion of Alien reboot rumors that all managed to hit the internet at the end of the week. To recap:
Yeah, so it turns out that all of those are wrong. Disposable executive Chris Petrikin of Fox decided to let the world know via Twitter that the movie will not be called Paradise and that there was never any intention of the film being more than one movie. Then The Playlist got a different inside source who now claims that all of the casting rumors are completely inaccurate. So no Dicaprio, and the others aren’t currently in the works either. Unless that source is the wrong one and the first ones were the right one. Or maybe they’re all right, and those actors both will and won’t be taking part in the film.
As a reality check, here’s what is actually known about the Alien reboot: there will be one. And the only reason that is a guarantee is because the franchise has made a lot of money, and therefore by ineluctable Hollywood logic that means there will be another one. It’s kind of funny, the last film that had this sort of endless stream of updates that always ended up being wrong was the Spider Man reboot. Remember last summer? I think at some point or another there was an article up on a major trade news publication insisting they had an exclusive on the new Spider Man for ever single actor under age fifty.
It’s very clear then, and we can present this to you as an exclusive, not through a myriad of insider connections and meetings in shady parking garages but through the inescapable and iron laws of logic. The next Ellen Ripley will be Andrew Garfield.