Two more remakes in development to discuss today, both via The Hollywood Cog (click here to see The Hollywood Cog’s Current Track record). Both are ’80s films (oh, OK. One was in 1990). But they present an interesting contrast between the two kinds of remakes we hate the most: 1) remakes of movies that we love that could never be duplicated; and 2) remakes of crappy movies for completely inexplicable reasons.
We’ll start with the molestation of your childhood memories remake: Columbia Pictures and Imagine Entertainment (oh, Ron Howard, how could you?) are developing a remake of Real Genius. Yes, that one. The Val Kilmer movie that everyone over the age of 30 loves. Except Communists and trash humpers. It’s about the youngest kid to be accepted into a program for geniuses who teams up with his roommates to develop a high-powered laser, which is stolen by the military and used as a weapon. But, of course, it was so much more than about that. In 1985 it was a satire. In 2010, no one knows what the hell a satire is or what it even means. The second take on the script is now out to writers, and soon, the “Mythbusters” guys may have to find a new movie to pattern their lives after.
Jesus. It just won’t be the same without the ’80s soundtrack. Also, the original made $13 million at the box office. Why would they remake this movie? (Note: This is not the sequel that was rumored years ago. This is a remake. Val Kilmer’s participation is unknown.)
The other remake is more of the “what? why?” variety, but if you have to ask that question, it’s only because you don’t know Brett Ratner, who is producing the remake under the Rat Entertainment banner and the New Line shingle. Actually, this one is being referred to as a “reboot,” rather than a remake, although I think in this instance, it’s kind of the same thing.
I speak, of course, of House Party.
The whole point of House Party was Kid and Play. Without Kid and Play, it’s just a movie about a party set inside a house. Who the hell is Ratner going to get to replace Kid and Play? And more importantly: Why? It was a terrible fucking film. Also: a terrible premise. That movie would’ve never worked in another other time period. Ever. Except maybe 2012. Perhaps it will help to usher in the end of the world.
Seriously, of all the movies that could’ve possibly been remade, House Party is the very last one with which I’d even think to bother. House Party? I swear, I think the major qualification to produce a movie or run a studio these days must be brain damage. Unless you’ve suffered some major head trauma, don’t even bother applying for the job anymore. Compared to everyone else, studio execs have the IQ of a carrot.
Although, knowing Ratner, this is the exact approach he’d take to House Party:
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