What the hell happened to Louis Leterrier? Dude gave us two awesomely dumb Statham flicks, Transporter and Transporter 2 and offered up a serviceable The Incredible Hulk before shitting the bed with the nailgun-to-the-head Clash of the Titans. Now, after bailing on Clash of the Titans 2, Leterrier is reeling to find some legitimacy as a blockbuster filmmaker.
This project isn’t going to give it to him, I don’t think. It’s still in the early stages of development and nothing has been officially signed yet (because if something had already been signed, someone like The Hollywood Reporter would be posting a press release instead of a site like Pajiba stealing a PR rep’s thunder) but Leterrier is tentatively attached to a movie called Gravity, which should not be confused with the Alfonso Cuarón film set to shoot this summer with Robert Downey, Jr. And once you hear the logline, you’ll understand why Cuarón wouldn’t want his name anywhere near Leterrier’s Gravity.
Get this: Gravity is being described as a disaster film in the vein of The Day After Tomorrow meets Taken. OK. A that’s a weird combination. How do you combine those two films? Here’s how: It’s about a father who has to search for his lost child as the world stops spinning and Earth begins to lose its gravity.
Are you crapping in my pants?
Granted, the visual aspect of this Gravity could be good for a few laughs — imagine six billion people floating around the sky searching for loved ones and dodging jet airplanes … wait, actually, I’ve officially turned the corner on this movie. It sounds spectacular! The Earth without gravity? Everything just sort of hovering around? I’m falling in love with this idea. Women wouldn’t be able to wear bras (it is my understanding the female astronauts avoid bras, as they are a strangulation hazard) … and can you imagine mid-air boning! Hover-sex?
Why hasn’t someone already came up with this idea? It’s genius! Everything is cooler with zero gravity! No one would have to wear shoes because you’d never step on anything. The world’s energy crisis would be solved, too — cars would only need a little momentum and perpetual force would take care of the rest (well, except for braking). I don’t understand how the absence of gravity works, but would I be correct in assuming that everyone would float up into the atmosphere and burn up? Cool!
Forget everything I said about Leterrier above. This is the greatest film idea in the history of the planet. What would the Earth look like without gravity? I’m not quite sure, but I am almost positive it will be in 3D.
Gravity comes from Universal Pictures, and Mark Gordon Production (like yesterday’s Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead — Mr. Gordon, you have a leak at your place of business), and I guess what actually gives me a small sense of hope — besides the frog-balls stupid premise — is that George Nolfi is attached as producer, and in the upcoming The Adjustment Bureau (written and directed by Nolfi, starring Matt Damon), it looks like Nolfi knows what to do with an out-there bizarre idea. It remains to be seen whether anyone can do the same for this premise.
(Standard Caveat: The Hollywood Cog is in a unique position to know about projects in development before they are officially announced. In some cases, in-development projects or deals that are still in negotiation may change or fall apart before an official announcement is made. In others cases, the project may not be announced for several months. The Cog supplies pre-announced news; if the project were official, there would be a project-friendly press release fashioned by a public relations representative written in effusive, flowery language, but where’s the fun in that? Click here for a list of Pajiba exclusives that have been confirmed or partially confirmed.)