The first we spoke of a potential Wuthering Heights remake was in April of 2008, when a new big-screen version was just starting to coalesce around some pretty decent principals. At the time, we wrote:
Natalie Portman is lobbying for the role of Catherine Earnshaw, who sleeps with her adopted brother and eventually descends into madness, because that’s what people did back in the 18th century — everyone was Britney. John Maybury (The Jacket) is directing. I will be playing the role of embittered, put-upon movie critic. Look for it in theaters in 2010.
Things have fallen apart on the movie quicker than Britney’s sanity, and a couple of folks have even written in to express their dismay (H/T Parissa, Katsings). First, John Maybury dropped out, and was replaced as director by Peter Webber (Hannibal Rising, Girl with a Pearl Earring). Next: Natalie Portman dropped out as Cathy, only to be replaced by Abbie Cornish, who has now been replaced by Gemma Arterton, the unholy hot Strawberry Fields in The Quantum of Solace.
So, thus far a slight downgrade, but nothing to be too concerned about. But then: Boom. Look who’s Heathcliff:
Looks like one of the stars of CW’s “The Gossip Girl,” huh? That’s because he is. That’s Ed Westwick, who was also in S. Darko, and was awful in S. Darko. And now he’s the lead in an adaptation of a classic piece of literature. Granted, it was a painful-to-read classic piece of literature, but still. Ed Westwick? Come on now. And even more criminal: This doosheter gets to make out with Strawberry Fields. Is there no justice in this world?
Chris Helmsworth. Chris Pine. Ed Westwick. Robert Pattinson. Zac Efron. The future of Hollywood, folks — and not a decent hairstyle among them. Buy a comb, fellas. Act like your momma raised you right.